


find them, fool them, forget them

by wafflesofdoom



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Other, Past Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 17:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10881768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: robert comes face to face with the mistakes he's made in the past when rebecca is pushed to her breaking point.





	find them, fool them, forget them

**Author's Note:**

> slight mention of blood in this fic, if that makes you uncomfortable!

_Of course_ it was fire.

It was **always** fire with him, wasn’t it? He was tied to a kitchen chair in Home Farm, Rebecca irate and pointing a lighter at him, threatening to set the kitchen alight, the surfaces apparently drenched in petrol. 

Robert barely bit back a comment about how she wasn’t even creative enough to come up with her how method of scaring the shit out of him, copying the same thing Chrissie had done to him years previous.

Sarcasm, he decided, would probably make his position even more precarious. He’d only come to Home Farm because she’d left him about a thousand text messages, wanting to make it clear that she needed to leave him and Aaron alone.

After everything she’d done, she needed to just leave them be. 

He’d only made it in the front door when she’d clocked him across the back of the head with a heavy decorative clock. Robert remembered feeling shocked before he’d collapsed to the floor, out for the count.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d woken up, but his head was banging and there was blood all over his shirt, staining the light blue material a bright red. He hoped it wasn’t too serious, hoped it was just a graze.

Maybe he was concussed, the world a bit fuzzy as he squinted at her, trying to work out how exactly Rebecca had gone from being pissed off with him, to _entirely_ unhinged. 

“Bex -“

“Shut up!” Rebecca turned on him, a wild look in her eyes as she shouted. “I need to think, Robert, shut up.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” Robert didn’t want to shut up, didn’t want to leave this all to chance. “Rebecca, you can just let me go - I’ll walk away and no one has to know, yeah?”

“It’s too late for that.” Rebecca shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes as she spoke. “It’s too late for that now. I’ve got - I’ve got to do something, I’ve got to.”

Robert swallowed nervously. “Is hurting me going to make you feel better?” he asked quietly, wondering if this was finally karma coming back to bite him. He’d never been a particularly good person, he’d caused Rebecca, and countless other people so much pain, so much heartache - Chrissie, Aaron, Katie.

Maybe this was karma. This was the universe finally saying enough was enough, and it’s your turn to be the one getting hurt, Robert Sugden.

“I loved you.” Rebecca said tearfully, slumping into another of the kitchen chairs. “Robert, I loved you so much, and I would have given you anything. Why did you chose Chrissie? Why couldn’t you have just loved me? We’d have been happy together, we would have.”

Robert didn’t know what to say, how to answer. The truth would only make her worse, wouldn’t it? He’d only ever been attracted to the fun, adventurous side of Rebecca, the side of her that was prone to sneaky hotel getaways and secret hookups in nightclub bathrooms, distracting each other from the monotony of life with the Whites. 

It had never been serious, not for him. Robert knew he should have stopped it when he realised Rebecca was starting to have feelings for him, but he was selfish, and he enjoyed the thrill of it all too much to give a second thought to her feelings.

To give a second thought to how it might all come back to bite him.

Robert felt the press of his wedding ring against his skin, on the verge of tears himself as he thought about Aaron. Aaron, his husband, the love of his life, the man who’d forgiven him it all.

Forgiven him more than he ever deserved to be forgiven.

If he didn’t get out of this, if Rebecca lost it entirely, and he never saw Aaron again, well - Robert didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about what it would do to Aaron, or Vic, or Liv, didn’t want to think about how his life could be ripped away from him before he even got much of a chance to enjoy it.

Robert swallowed again, blinking back furious tears. “I loved Chrissie, Rebecca,” he said quietly, deciding that if he was going to die, well, he might as well tell the truth. He’d desperately loved Chrissie once, loved the life she gave him, loved how ruthless and brutal and beautiful she was. 

“Then why sleep with me?”

“Because I’ve never been very good at being faithful, have I?” Robert admitted, his biggest failing, one among many. “What we had was _fun_ Rebecca, just fun.”

Rebecca let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “Why make me believe that we had a future then? That’s what you said, the first time I got on abortion. _It’s not our time, Rebecca, we can’t do this right now._ Why not just say you never wanted a life with me?”  


Robert hung his head, remembering the conversation all too well. He’d been so terrified he was about to lose Chrissie, that he was about to lose his job, the life he’d worked so hard for, he’d have said anything to have Rebecca get rid of the baby.

It just so happened that he decided manipulating her into believing they had a future would be the best way to do it. Keep her onside, in case he got bored again - it had all happened a few months before they’d moved to Emmerdale, leaving Rebecca to her travels and Robert to his life with Chrissie. 

“I’m not a good person, that’s why.” Robert managed to blurt out, his head thumping in his chest.

“You are, you are a good person.” Rebecca shook her head, sounding as though she was trying to convince the both of them.

“I’m not." Robert said softly, firmly. “I’ve never been a good person, Bex. That’s why you liked me, right? I was bad, exciting. A way to get back at Chrissie, make her feel like the inferior one for once.”

Rebecca stood up again, lighter still in hand. “I loved you. I _love_ you.”

“Bex, you don’t know me.” Robert found himself saying. “You love the idea of me.”

“Then why did you text me that right?”

“Because I knew you’d come,” Robert said, blinking back furious tears. “I thought my marriage was over, Rebecca, you could have been anyone that night, it didn’t really matter.”

Rebecca glared at him. “You’re not doing a very good job of convincing me to let you go, Robert,” she muttered darkly, her hands shaking as she passed the lighter from left to right. 

“I guess I thought you deserved some honesty from me, for once.” Robert said. “Can you be honest with me, though? Why say there was a baby?”

Rebecca wiped at her tearful eyes, her expression twisted, and heartbroken as she spoke. “I thought you might want one, this time. I thought that if - I thought that if I made you think there was a baby, you’d chose me. That I’d be giving you everything Aaron couldn’t.”

“What happens four, five months in when you don’t start showing?”

“I’d say I had a miscarriage. I mean, you said it, people have miscarriages all the time.” Rebecca shrugged, sounding frantic now. Her hair was wild, loose around her shoulders and tangled, the exertion of having to hoist Robert’s unconscious body into a chair clear on her face, black eyeliner smudged around her eyes, her cheeks flushed red.

“I love Aaron, Bex.” Robert said quietly. “I’m sorry, I love him. I’ll never leave him, _never_.”

“Why does he get a happy ending with you?” Rebecca asked, a gentle hand on Robert’s head, inspecting the cut on the back of his head. Her touch made him wince, made him think of all the times he’d fallen into bed with her, all the mistakes he’d made that had led to this. “I could have had that.”

“No, you couldn’t have.”

Robert could have cried with relief at the sound of Chrissie’s voice, his ex-wife appearing in the doorway, Aaron in tow. “ _Aaron_ ,” he breathed, the name like a prayer on his lips as he looked at his husband.

“Robert, it’s alright, yeah? We’ll sort this.” Aaron said, trying to step forward into the kitchen.

“Stay where you are.” Rebecca said, showing them the lighter. “Or this whole place goes up.”

Chrissie raised her hands, Aaron terrified, but following her lead, standing next to her in the doorway, looking jittery. “No one has to get hurt, Bex, okay? It doesn’t have to happen like that.”

“That’s what he said.” Rebecca said, almost as if it was funny. “You’re very alike, you two.”

“I did marry him,” Chrissie quipped, a glimpse of her old self shining through the fear that was evident on her face. He knew how much Chrissie adored her little sister, knew how protective she was of her, despite their issues. 

She’d never seen Rebecca lose it quite like this either. 

“What do you mean I couldn’t have had a happy ending with him?” Rebecca asked, her voice small, and childlike, as though she was looking for her big sister’s approval, opinion. 

Robert watched with bated breath, trying to catch Aaron’s eye and reassure him he was okay. “ _I’m okay,”_ he mouthed, giving Aaron a weak smile. Aaron didn’t look as though he quite believed it, but he couldn’t do much else to reassure him otherwise. 

Robert didn’t have much choice but to watch, and wait, and see if Chrissie could talk her sister down.

“You have as much access to dad’s money as I do,” Chrissie said softly, in that motherly voice of hers. “If he loved you, Bex, he’d have chosen you. What makes us so different, eh? You’ve always been the nicer one of us, you’re the one people prefer.”

Rebecca shook her head. “No, no I’m not.”

“You are.” Chrissie reiterated. “I’m the bitchy big sister, remember? You’re the fun one.”

“So why couldn’t he love me?”

With Rebecca’s focus on Chrissie now, Robert was trying his best to free his wrists of the cable ties Rebecca had knotted around his hands, the plastic digging into his wrists.

She’d tied them too tightly, they wouldn’t budge. 

“I don’t think he ever really loved anyone enough until Aaron.” 

Robert’s eyes widened in shock as Chrissie spoke. They’d never really talked properly after their divorce, never talked through why things had ended the way they did, why he couldn’t be honest with her about who he was.

He hadn't expected her to say that, and one look at Aaron told him he was equally as shocked. 

“What’s so special about Aaron?” Rebecca turned to glare at Aaron, her wild expression back on her face. “What’s so special about you? You’re a - you’re a thug! You just got out of prison.”

“Yeah.” Aaron spoke, his voice more confident than Robert had expected it to be, given the situation. “I am. I’m a lot of things, Rebecca, and I guess I don’t really know why he loves me. But he does, and you can’t change that - you can’t change it by hurting him, or yourself, not anymore.”

Rebecca was openly sobbing now, curling in on herself as she cried. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” she admitted. 

Aaron stepped forward, Robert’s stomach lurching as he moved. “You don’t have to,” he said, his voice low, and reassuring, speaking in that tone he saved for Liv, and Liv alone. “Rebecca, you can let this go, and you can feel better.”

“Did you let it go? How you felt about him?”

“No,” Aaron admitted, holding out a hand, clearly hoping Rebecca would pass the lighter over. “And it nearly killed me. I don’t want that for you, do I? You’re worth more than that. You’ve been a good mate to me, and Liv - don’t let whatever Robert’s done to you in the past ruin your life forever.”

“Why do you forgive him so much?” Rebecca asked, her voice barely audible.

“Because he’s my husband,” Aaron said, the same thrill going through Robert as he heard the still unfamiliar word. “And I knew _exactly_ who I was getting into bed with. You didn’t. He's the best liar I know, remember?”  


Robert was confused, clearly out of the loop of a conversation the two of them had had before. Shifting in his seat, the squeak of the kitchen chair drew Rebecca’s attention back to him. “I’m sorry,” he choked out, his voice thick with tears. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you.”

“See? He’s sorry, Bex. Let him go,” Chrissie interjected again, moving to stand with Aaron. “Come on, give Aaron the lighter.”

“Give me the lighter, Rebecca.” Aaron echoed, Robert’s heart twisting in his chest as he waited for her to react.

“I didn’t mean for this to get to out of hand.” 

“We know, its alright.” Chrissie shushed, her voice soft, and kind, and caring, the way it always would be when Robert was upset, when he needed her to be kind, and loving. 

She was a good mother, a good sister, a brilliant girlfriend. He’d never deserved her, not really. 

Rebecca let the lighter drop into Aaron’s waiting palm, and his husband was on the move instantly, pocketing the lighter and crossing the kitchen in a matter of seconds, Robert practically sobbing with relief as Aaron touched him, gentle, familiar hands examining every inch of his face. 

“Its alright, I’m here.” Aaron said quietly, grabbing a knife from the kitchen counter to cut him lose from the cable ties. 

Robert’s heart was in his mouth as he felt the cool metal of the blade against his skin, Aaron working carefully to cut him free of his confines, the plastic cables dropping away and setting Robert free.

Robert flung his arms around Aaron’s middle instantly, pressing his face to Aaron’s chest as he let out the tears he’d been holding since Rebecca had first produced that lighter, flashbacks of the barn, the fire, the way he’d heard his mother’s screams for years afterward ringing in his mind.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Aaron murmured softly, gentle hands in Robert’s hair, his husband pressing kisses to the side of Robert’s forehead. “It’s over, you’re alright.”

“I thought I was never going to see you again,” Robert admitted as he pulled back, wincing as he felt a twinge of pain in his wrists. Rebecca tied the cable ties so tightly, his wrists were red and angry, cuts deeply embedded in his pale skin, blood running down his hands. 

It was sore, sorer than he'd realised it had been when everything was happening, the skin on his wrists angry and sore, throbbing in a way that made Robert want to cry even harder, knowing they’d serve as a reminder of what happened for weeks now. 

Robert couldn’t help himself, couldn’t stop the sobs that wracked his body, Aaron cradling him close to his chest, murmuring soft ‘I love yous’ against Robert’s hair. “‘M sorry, I’m sorry,” he choked out, hating that he was being this vulnerable in front of Rebecca, after everything that had just happened.

“What are you sorry for, eh?” Aaron leaned down, cupping Robert’s face in his hands. 

Even through his tears, Robert could see the concern on Aaron’s face, the worried crease of his forehead, the terror in Aaron’s expression that Robert knew was reflected on his own face. “For causing all this.” 

“This wasn’t your fault, Robert,” Aaron said softly, his brow furrowing as he noticed the cut on the back of Robert’s head. Gently, carefully, Aaron tilted Robert’s head, concerned fingers prodding at his skull, trying to assess the damage.

It felt different, to when Rebecca had touched him. 

Aaron’s hands always did feel like home, a comforting weight on the back of his head, comforting enough for Robert to feel like he could close his eyes, like he could relax for a second, breathing in the familiar scent of Aaron’s body spray, the familiar weight of Aaron’s body against his.

“It’s just a cut,” Aaron reassured, his voice low, his relief obvious in the way he spoke. “It’s just a cut, Robert.”

Robert nodded, forcing himself to open his eyes, forcing himself to look across the kitchen at Rebecca, the youngest White crumbling into her sisters arms, Chrissie looking equal parts terrified and concerned at the state her sister was in.

He’d made her like this, hadn’t he? He’d lied and manipulated and pushed her to her breaking point, just like he had done with Katie, and Andy, and Aaron, and everyone else in his life, everyone who’d ever tried to care.

“Robert?”

Aaron’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, and Robert looked at him again, properly looked at him. Aaron, his Aaron, his brilliant, gorgeous husband who’d forgiven him far more than he ever deserved to be forgiven.

Aaron, who’d come looking for him.

Aaron, the one person who’d never given up on him, even when he probably should have.

He’d be better, for Aaron. Robert would make himself better so that he’d be the kind of man Aaron deserved to be with, the kind of man Aaron deserved to have love him. 

The kind of person his mum had always told him he could be, _good_ and _kind_ and _caring_.

Robert swallowed thickly, his voice hoarse from crying. “Can we go home?” he asked, wanting to be as far from Home Farm, and Rebecca, and all the mistakes he’d ever made.

Aaron nodded, a protective hand on the back of Robert’s neck. “Let’s go home.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**fin.**

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not even entirely sure what this is (a vaguely hopeful interpretation of where this sl could go i suppose) but i hope you enjoyed it anyway! thank you to siri for reading this and convincing me i didn't need to spend another month agonising over this. 
> 
> i'm capseycartwright over on tumblr if you fancy a chat.


End file.
